hopelessly crunched for time.

Clearly I haven't written in a while, and for that I apologize. (Even though I know no one reads this blog anyway.) I feel like life is catching up with me too fast latley, and I feel like all the important things that I love have been swept to the sidelines in order to make room for the important things that I dread. I can't remember the last time I read a book, or drew a picture, or spent time with my family even. I miss those things.

I've been dreaming, dreaming of running away from this life to a life of bliss, almost every night. This blissful life is filled with all of the things that I love to do, and I would never have to work for any of them. I'm not complaining about this life really, I feel better when I work for my dreams as apposed to having them handed to me, but I am merely dreaming. Scratch that - hopelessly dreaming, of a life where one never had to work, and there was an abundance of time for the really fulfilling things. But that is one of the few things I've written of so far that is positively hopeless.

The idea and notions of life itself and the way society molds everyone's lives into makes me cringe though. Over half of the population will never become rich enough to really do any of the things that make them happy. Sure you can find a job that makes you happy, but I just don't see work as happiness. Happiness for me is traveling, writing, singing, dancing, spending time with loved ones, relaxing, etc.. Most of those things can be combined into a job setting, but will still be combined with negative aspects, or things that you don't like to do. I've never heard of anyone loving every single thing about their job, because there are always drawbacks.

For me, when I picture my life in the future or what my dream job is, I cant. My dream would be to not have a job, and just enjoy my life. Because as soon as you turn it into a job, it's less enjoyable. Obviously it's not a realistic notion, but hence my frustration with reality. I wish life was simpler. Or at least mine.

I've been hectically busy with dreadful tasks latley. How do normal people find motivation to go through life carrying out the tasks in which they despise? It has my mind boggled. Of course I've done it before, and I am continuing to do the things that I need to do, but I become less motivated each day to carry on, and closer to throwing in the towel.

I think I just need a break, a coffee and a good read on the patio. But life would be fortunate if I had time for that. I guess I'll just stay "hopelessly crunched for time", until I get it.

hopelessly chivalrous.

So there's something that I need to get off my chest and dedicate to all of the chauvinist men out there. Pardon me for wanting a gallant, distinguished gentlemen. In today's day-and-age it seems nearly impossible to even ask for. I'm not completley "stone-age," sure I'll split the check, but I do think a man should still open doors, buy flowers for no reason, compliment a woman, and be the one to propose; In all sences I would like to be wooed; Have a knight in shining armour "of sorts" come to my rescue and I don't think I'm being un-realistic either. I don't think I'm too choosy for wanting a decently attractive man, as well as a charming and witty one. I try hard to please my partner in relationships, so I feel that I do deserve the whole package. Many men feel it easier to coast in relationships, slide on the merrit of their looks or jokes and not give in the full effort. Others don't even know what it means to be chivalrous and are on the complete opposite side of the spectrum, rude and arrogant. So with all of that said, Mr. Right, "where the hell are you!?" Hahaha. Alright well until you're found I'll just stay waiting, hopelessly chivalrous.

hopelessly pushed over.

Today I ran into my old friend from a circle of friends that I haven't talked to in ages. They had been all too busy to include me in their lives when I had reached a crisis point in mine, where I really needed some shoulders to cry on and hands to hold through the tough time. I didn't really care if they were going through things themselves, because I had never distanced myself and always been there for them. Anyhow, it got to a point where I was only called or talked to by any of them when they needed a favour, for a while I did whatever they wanted in a plee to have someone to talk to about what I was dealing with. But as tempting as used pushover relationships sound, I eventually grew tired and gave up. So as you could imagine this was a very awkward encounter. She came up to me with a wide grin and asked me how I had been and what I was up to. My response was the same old nothing that it had always been and I proceeded to ask her the same. She rambled on for about ten minutes with all of the exciting new things that her and the circle had been up to, not seeming to care or even remember that I was no longer in that loop. She then ended the conversation by asking me to help her move into her new house, that was bigger because she got a raise, and she wanted to catch up. I told her I would have to see what my schedule was like and I would give her a call, then we hugged and went our seperate ways. I've been pondering all day why she pretended to care about what I was going through, when she really just wanted to get her stories out. Of course I don't plan on helping her, maybe because I can hold a grudge, or maybe because I don't really think she needs my help anymore. Either way I think I can say that I'm done being hopelessly walked all over in the atempts of freindship. Instead I'll stay hopelessly waiting for some new "true" friendships to arise.

Love will always be.

you see it different
and you try to feel
you try to see
to see whats real...

you want to know
what its about
and are hopelessly longing
to figure out...

love and its contours
like a painting that never ends
love and its signals
and the tingles it sends...

it perplexes your mind
and leaves your tongue bound
for it words you cannot speak
not one wrong can be found...

where is it waiting
and what does it mean
when is it coming
was it all just a dream...

so many questions unanswered
so many feelings left un-felt
no one left to answer
when your all by yourself...

but love comes in many ways
you see it different
you can see
love is always patient
and love will always be...

My first blog.

So as unoriginal as this blog topic is, I feel it necessary for every blogger to open with an introduction; as any writer would know, it's the basis to a great story! I am a hopeless romantic, turned hopeless poet and soon-to-be hopeless blogger on the side. I love the art of writing, there is nothing more beautiful in life then words expressed in a manner that tugs at your heart strings. Communication is one of the great gifts that we have been granted with as humans and many of us regularly abuse it. The simplicity of a beautiful, rich, and luscious vocabulary is more then enough to woo my heart. I love love, I love writing about love, and I love reading all of the great, cheesy, classic, romantic beginnings and endings to all of the love stories that we only wish would come true for ourselves. To me words are a beautiful dance of the mind, in any language. So with all of that said, what am I hoping to accomplish with this blog? Well I'm surely not trying to say that I'm a great writer or poet, but maybe I just wanna tell all of the hopeless anythings out there in the world, to keep on hoping in the chance that your dreams will come true!